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It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

It’s Okay Not to Be Okay

I want my daughter to grow up knowing that not being okay is okay.

Being a parent is hard, even heartbreaking at times. My daughter is only 2 (almost) and it has been the hardest “job” I’ve ever had. It’s 24 hours a day 7 days a week and YOU ARE EMOTIONALLY INVESTED. You don’t get to leave work at work.
It’s easy to feel like you are failing as a parent. Every day brings another opportunity to feel like you aren’t good enough.
I’ve been sick for about 2 months. It has been really hard on my whole family. It’s been hard on my husband because I haven’t been cooking or cleaning. It’s been hard on my parents because I have relied on them for more childcare. It’s hard on my daughter because she doesn’t understand why mommy can’t feed her dinner or play outside with her or snuggle her to sleep.
If you have ever been in pain for a long period of time you know how hard it is emotionally. It sucks all the life out of you and makes you feel like everything is the end of the world. One night recently I had a bad day, I felt like a failure for not being able to parent or work because of my illness. I was laying on the bathroom floor crying when my daughter walked around the corner. She looks at me and says “Why crying mommy”.
In that moment my heart broke.
In that moment I had a choice. I could wipe away my tears and say everything is okay. I could pretend like everything was fine.
But in that moment I chose to be vulnerable. I chose to show Quinn that being emotional is okay. I chose to show her that mommy has bad days too.
I pulled her into a big hug and kissed the top of her head.
I then looked her right in the eye and said, “Because mommy’s sad”.
Her face fell and she looked down at her feet and then looked back up at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek and walked away.

She may not remember that moment, but it is burned into my memory forever. 

I want Quinn to know that it is okay to have bad days. It is okay to be sad about life’s circumstances. And it is okay to share those emotions with your family.
As Quinn gets older I hope she always knows that she can come to me about anything. And I pray that one day she will.
Every parent hopes their children will never face pain but that’s not realistic. Our children will hurt in life. Our children won’t be innocent forever. But when that time comes and they face hard times, it will be our turn to wrap them in a hug and give them a kiss on the cheek.
We don’t have to tell them that everything will be okay, because we don’t know what will happen in life.
But we can listen and allow our children to be vulnerable and sad because home is a safe place.
We can choose love and support and vulnerability. 
We are a family full of emotions. We are a family who does life together, good or bad.
We are a family who cries together.

And my daughter will grow up knowing that she will never be alone.

Wife and mother just trying to fill her home with good memories.

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